Hi all. Ive just made a new user account here: [link] so add tht user to ur frends list

'The (official) Ham's Journal' by Hanna Dhaimish [link]

* Full Name: Andrew J. Shaw

* Nicknames: Andy (andy pandy), Shawry

* Star sign: scorpio

* School: Aquinas Collage

*fave footie team: err... i go for rugby!!! (Springboks)

* Location: Australia

* Colour of eyes: Green

* Colour of hair: lightish brown

* Shoe Size: 12 i think :S

* Brothers/Sisters: Brother (19)

* You live with: My mum, Brother, Dog

----HAVE YOU EVER------------------

* Missed school bcoz it was raining: no

* Put a body part on fire for amusement: i put my finger thru fire slowly

* Thrown someone in a bonfire: lol. tht would be fun 2 do for some 3 people i noe

* Been hurt emotionally: yes. every day

* Kept a secret from everyone:yes

*Cried during a Movie: no

*thought an animated character was hot: yes

* Been on stage: school stage

* Been sarcastic? : yes

*Favourite things: Music, chatting, finding a life, porn.

* Shampoo: head and shoulders

* Fav colour/shades: black

* Summer/Winter: winter

*Cartoon Characters: Garfield

*Drink: Vodka

*Food: Pasta

* Movie: Any of the aliens movies

*Song: Lonely road - Everlast, (and 16 others)

* Ice Cream: rum and raisin

* Subject: history

* Animal: my dog Thomas

* People: | Till | Paul | Rich | Flake | Oliver | Christoph | (members of rammstein)


---------------RIGHT NOW------------------

* Wearing: Boxers

* What colour:black

* Eating: Nothing

* Drinking: Juice

* Thinking: About Death

--------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------

* Cried: no

* Met someone new: No

* Cleaned your room: no

*Drove a car: no

* Been pissed off: yes

------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------

*Yourself: no

*tooth fairy: no

*Angels: Dunno

*elves: no

*intelligent life in space: well there more intelligence out there than on earth even if there is no life outside of earth

Ghosts: no

--------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------

* Do you have a soul mate? no

* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no

* Do you like anyone?: yes

* Who have u known the longest of your friends? Valerie

*Best friend: Valerie

*The loudest: sej

* The shyest: me

* Who's the weirdest: mel

* who has seen you cry: no one


* When have u cried the most: only once wen i fought wit ash.


* what is the best feeling in the world: death. well i dunno but i hope 2 try it out soon



ABOUT GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT



* Boxers or briefs:



* Long or short hair:


* Six pack or muscular arms:


* Good or bad guy:


* Hat or No Hat:



* Tan or fair:



* Rugged or sporty:



*Accent or not:



* Immature or mature:



* Funny or not funny:



* Cute or sexy:


BOUT GIRLS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT



* Regular underwear or thong: thong



* Painted nails or not: painted



* Bra or sports bra: bra



* Cute n' mysterious or wild n' crazy: cute



* Dressy or casual: casual



* Dark or blonde hair: blonde



* Dark or light eyes: light



* Good or bad girl: good



* Intelligent or average:average



* Hair up or down: down



* Jewellery or none: none



* Tall or short: shorter then me



* Curly or straight hair: curly



* Pants or dress: dress



* Tan or fair: tan



* Accent or Not: dun mind



* Shy or outgoing: outgoing



FOR EVERYONE TO FILL OUT



* Silver or gold: silver. u can lie and say its platinum



* Diamond or pearl: Diamond



* Sunset or sunrise: Sunset


* Do you sleep with stuffed animals: no



* Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured/burnt nethin : burnt my finder, cut my arm, fratured the plates in my skull, bent my spine. thts bout it.


*Rain or sun or snow? snow


*How is the weather right now? VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV dark blue (the nite sky is blue not black)



*Do u like cookies?: yes


*Write down your crush: Ashley Bader D

If I was a country I'd be: Russia
If I was a ocean or body of water I'd be: Dead sea
If I was a piece of candy I'd be: Rocky Road
If I was a famous building or piece of architecture I'd be: The Berlin Wall
If I was a store I'd be: THe local Deli
If I was a brand of shoe I'd be: Nike
If I was a bad habit I'd be: me?
If I was a swear word I'd be: ass
If I was a ice cream flavor I'd be: bannana
If I was a disease I'd be: Ebola
If I was a board game I'd be: Monopoly
If I was a feeling I'd be: Depression
If I was a president I'd be: Czar
If I was a war I'd be: WW3
If I was a city I'd be: Atlantis
If I was a celebrity I'd be: Snoopy
If I was a brand of toothpaste I'd be: colgate
If I was a business I'd be: Quantas
If I was a currency I'd be: Rand
If I were a month, I'd be: November
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: saterday
If I were a time of day, I'd be: 1am
If I were a planet, I'd be: pluto
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: Giant Squid
If I were a direction, I'd be: Down
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: lazy boy
If I were a sin, I'd be: suicide?
If I were a liquid, I'd be: Ice
If I were a tree, I'd be: oak
If I were a bird, I'd be: raven
If I were a tool, I'd be: me?
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: thorn
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: meteor
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: tooting one
If I were an animal, I'd be: Great Bear
If I were a vegetable, I'd be: broccoli
If I were a sound, I'd be: shattering glass
If I were an element, I'd be: sulphure
If I were a car, I'd be: Tank
If I were a song, I'd be: lonely road - everlast
If I were a book, I'd be: gothic tales
If I were a food, I'd be: moss
If I were a material, I'd be: rust
If I were a taste, I'd be: tasteless
If I were a word, I'd be: dead
If I were a body part, I'd be: hair
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: sad
If I were a shape, I'd be a: 4D shape
If I were a number, I'd be: 13
If I were a band, I'd be: everlast
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: Balrog

Well i had a massive fight with a very good frend, but now we arnt anymore. I am really sad that we arnt and i miss her so much. My life has already been so much pain, and this has been one of those pains.. . i found this poem which describes exactly how i feel.

I wanted to end my life on a positive note, but my life has been rarely that for the past three or four years, the happiness that I have felt and possessed, I have worked hard for or have tried to prove in vain... nothing is ever what it seems or turns out to be, its not like you can put happiness in a container and just hand it to someone who is miserable and lonely... though I wish God would let us do so.

We all have our destinies, and I know that perhaps I never lived up to mine, to those that I have left behind, I am so sorry, I promise to forever be with you and I pray that no one except those that have betrayed me will feel guilty of my death, for only those that betrayed me have brought me here.

I'm so tired of being in one's arms one moment and then being left and crying on my bed the next... I'm tired of hearing that "things will get better" ... well it DOESN'T, things never get better! How long must I try to strive before people realize that my pain is real, just because I don't break down and cry in front of someone's eyes doesn't mean that I don't feel pain every damn second of the day.

Sleep, my slumber is awakened by images of death that I saw with my father, it pains me to relive the moments that I try my hardest to forget, I'm tired of being rejected by my family, they are a main source to my pain, and GUYS... I won't even go there... To feel the betrayal and loss of my most recent love, has brought me into a deep depression that I tried so hard to come out of. I didn’t have a voice in this life, My cries for help were unheard, a part of me didn’t want them to be silenced, yet I didn’t want to become the attention of such chaos, there was enough of that in my life and I’d rather die than have my family know that I went to the "crazy house".

So I watched this movie where this girl who is betrayed by the love of her life went into her father’s closet, grabbed his gun and placed it upon her mouth and ended her pain, her mom found her on the couch, blood everywhere and a note recovered in her pocket that said " I died for you just like Christ died for us, please pray that God will forgive me, I love you and I’m sorry" … and so, I did exactly what this girl did cept I left an explanation upon this website for all to see.

I LOVE YOU AND I’M SORRY… Don’t ever think that I have abandoned you, for I died to give you peace from my pain.

~haikumonkgirl




Im sorry ash...